I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
