Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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