garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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