Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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