break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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