so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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