sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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