I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
