i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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