True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
