just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
