Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
