I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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