1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
no, he came in my armpit
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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