I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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