I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think people are normalizing furries
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
