My brain says no but my pants say off.
thus making me awesome and them whores
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
