Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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