So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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