I feel great
I just peed on a car
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
