The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
