Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
