dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
