maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
