she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
