yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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