Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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