we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
