I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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