Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
being pregnant is like rehab
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
