I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
