The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
