Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
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A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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