It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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