I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
