How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
