Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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