fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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