I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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