I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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