I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
