My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
