dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
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My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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