I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
