New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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