wrigley field is MILF paradise
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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