Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
