Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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