That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
