I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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