I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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