Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
