Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
