He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
