i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
