Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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