So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
