i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
