My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
