I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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