Define "chronic" masturbator.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
