Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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