I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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