i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
