Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The feeling are messing with the penis
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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