Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Nicole vs. Life
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
