Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize