I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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