Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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