alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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