Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
