whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
