i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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