he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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