Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
