I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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