Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
