Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
