i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
