just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
