i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
