Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
