just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
