remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
