Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
