I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
