omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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